How to Cope With the Loss of a Pet

Coping with the loss of a pet is a tough, personal journey that takes time, patience, and self-love. Luckily, though, there are plenty of resources and strategies to help. Activities such as going to therapy and creating personalized memorials can assist you in navigating through your grief, and honoring the memory of your best friend.

Why is losing a pet so painful? 

I lost my first pup about two years ago and was definitely wondering why losing a dog is so painful. This feeling applies no matter what kind of pet you’ve lost. I reached out to Dr. Angela Randazzo, veterinarian and owner of Paws in Heaven, who specializes in helping pet parents say that final goodbye to their companions. In fact, she helped me make sure the end of my dog’s life was a peaceful, private, loving time in our home. 

“We can control the loss of a pet as much as we can control the traffic on the highway,” Dr. Randazzo says. “It’s a painful realization that even when you’ve done everything right, one day you lose your best friend despite your best efforts.” And it’s true. The loss of a dog, cat, or any pet will always be tough, even after doing everything you can to help them. 

How to deal with the loss of a pet

“Pets and their routines become so integrated into our daily lives, that when they leave us, it’s natural to feel like something is missing,” says Dr. Randazzo. This makes dealing with the loss a major challenge. You may even feel the loss of your pet more than the loss of a friend you may not have seen or spoken to every day, and it’s important to remember that’s okay. 

Randazzo recommends placing your favorite photos of your pet around the house to help remember them in a joyful way. She also suggests keeping up with the routines you’ve always done: taking a walk when you normally would and going to the places you went with your pet (like the park or your favorite restaurant patio) can give you a sense of normalcy. While it’s good to keep up with routines, you may want to remove things like bowls and leashes to avoid reminders of how your daily life simply will change. 

Let’s talk about a few more strategies for mourning the loss of a pet. 

1. Seek help from friends and family

Odds are that if you had a close bond with your pet, the people in your life will also be impacted by their loss. If you need some time alone with your feelings, it’s important to give yourself space. But the presence of loved ones during such a hard time can provide much-needed feelings of care. These people can support you in your grief journey, sharing their stories and memories and helping validate any painful decisions you’ve had to make. 

2. Pet loss support groups

If losing your pet feels like more than you can face alone, a support group can be a welcome resource. Sometimes even well-meaning friends and family simply can’t understand what you’re going through. Surrounding yourself with others who can share your experience can be a relief. 

3. Professional counseling options

When the loss of a pet starts to feel difficult to navigate or makes daily activities challenging, it may be time to seek professional support. If you have a therapist or counselor, they’ll probably be able to provide you with resources. There are also pet-specific groups like Pet Loss Partners (mentioned by Dr. Randazzo) that can be invaluable allies to help you find closure and understanding after the loss of your pet. If you’re not quite ready to jump into counseling, try a pet grief workbook to ease into things. 

4. Self-care 

Self-care is important when you’re grieving: Loss can take a toll on your body and mind in ways you may not expect. Don’t forget to practice regular self-care routines. And if you can, try treating yourself to a little something extra to boost your mood. A massage or a bubble bath, some extra meditation sessions, or even a special treat can be a great reward for making it through a tough day.

While it helps to keep busy in the days after losing a pet, make sure you set enough time for yourself to grieve. The toughest moments can hit you at unexpected times, so make sure your plans are flexible. 

How to memorialize a pet

There are countless ways to memorialize a pet who has died, and odds are you already have some ideas. Don’t be afraid to memorialize your pet in a way that’s unique to you. Dr. Randazzo points out that many pet parents get tattoos of their pets’ paws or nose prints, commission portraits, turn ashes into jewelry, and even turn their pet’s heartbeat into a song. If you’re still figuring out what’s right for you, here are a few ideas: 

• Write a memorial: Dr. Randazzo offers her patients the opportunity to post a pet memorial on her Facebook page. Writing a tribute and sharing it publicly is a great way to share memories and celebrate your pet’s life. 

• Get a tattoo: A tattoo of your pet’s paw or noseprint can be a beautiful and subtle reminder of your beloved companion. If you want a more out-of-the-box piece, look into a portrait artist or get a stylized depiction of your pet. I got a small, traditional portrait of my pup, which ended up taking over my entire right arm. And I couldn’t be happier to have my little guy with me all the time. Plus, it’s a great conversation starter: an opportunity to talk about the dog I miss so much.

• Buy or make an art piece: Whether you want to frame a portrait, have one painted or digitally created, or try your hand at artistic expression, a piece of art is a great way to remember your pet. 

• Customize jewelry or decor: There are so many ways to memorialize a pet with jewelry or decor. Try turning their ID tag into a necklace, have a piece of jewelry made using your pet’s ashes, create a memorial stone for your garden, or hang a suncatcher (with their name on it) in a spot they used to love. 

• Honor their legacy: Call your local vet, and ask to donate to an emergency fund or to provide financial assistance for other pet parents in your pet’s name. Or donate to a local shelter in their name. These are great ways to not only honor your pet but help another pet in need. 

How long is the healing process after losing a pet?

We’ve all heard it before: There’s no time limit on grief. You may find that you don’t feel the impact at the beginning, especially if you stay busy — but odds are, it will show up. “I’m not sure you can ever really ‘get over’ the loss of a pet,” says Dr. Randazzo, “However, you can learn to live with it. One day, though, you will be able to think of your pet in a way that honors their life instead of focusing on their death.” You’ll be able to laugh when you remember their silly antics, look back joyfully on snuggles, and even remember the mischief that drove you crazy. “It’s the journey that defines a relationship,” Randazzo says, “not the destination. 

A note on senior pets

Many people avoid adopting a senior dog or cat, because they assume they won’t have much time with them. Although you often can’t tell the age of a dog or cat based on their activity levels and personality, a senior pet, in fact, has a lot of life ahead of them. So you can feel good about giving a pet with a slim chance of adoption another shot at life. Seniors also tend to be calmer, better trained, and appreciative of a nice home. And yes, they will enrich your life with beautiful, everlasting memories, too.

Getting another pet after a loss

I grew up dreaming of all the different dogs I’d have one day, but never thought about the grief that comes between losing one pet and loving a new one. When I lost my dog, I thought I’d take a long break. After all, I had two cats, and those vet bills really piled up the last few years. It didn’t turn out that way, and I rescued a dog just two months later. The two of them couldn’t be more different. And while I’m glad I got the dog I did, I still miss my old guy every day. 

“Some people want another pet immediately, which can certainly serve as a great distraction to the pain and grief after being in a long relationship,” Dr. Randazzo says. “Others need time to process that grief and can’t fully give their heart to another pet without the healing gift of time.”

There is no right answer. If you feel inspired to adopt another cat or get a new dog just after your loss, that’s okay. There will always be more pets needing homes. Your sadness after losing one doesn’t mean there isn’t room for another in your heart. Listen to your instincts on this one, just make sure you’ve financially recovered from those hefty vet bills enough to care for a new addition.

If you aren’t quite sure it’s the right time to adopt, fostering a pet can be a great option. Fostering provides a great chance for animals who are typically adopted less to get experience with home life. You can still enjoy the benefits of having a pet around, without the financial responsibility. While it’s not typically encouraged to “foster fail,” most organizations understand that sometimes a foster pet ends up being a perfect match. Most organizations where you can adopt a pet need fosters or volunteers. If you think you’re ready for a new companion, check out our pet adoption checklist. 

Commonly asked questions

Why is losing a pet so traumatic?

Loss is always traumatic — whether a pet or a person — because it is so final. There is no playbook we can consult for that. Thankfully we don’t experience it regularly. But when we do, it cuts to the core. I don’t think our brains fully comprehend what that actually means until we experience it for ourselves.

How do you address feeling guilty about euthanizing a pet?

Grieving the loss of a pet after euthanasia is a unique experience that can make the loss even more difficult. Dr. Randazzo says pet parents should focus on the fact that their pet’s quality of life was diminished (older pets often deal with a lot of pain, weakness, and confusion) and that they no longer have to suffer. “The pet is at the center of our decision, not ourselves,” she states. “It is our obligation to provide a life free from suffering, and this includes making a tough decision that is the best for them, despite how we feel.” 

What is a good pet memorial gift?

Often, a simple loss of a pet message via text or card can do wonders to show a friend who’s lost a pet that you care. But if you’re a gift-giver, Dr. Randazzo suggests, “keeping their memory alive in a way that keeps the pet at the forefront of daily life.” This could come in the form of a portrait, a necklace, a decorative item, or anything that incorporates the pet’s memory. 

It seems that the most treasured gift is keeping their memory alive in a way that keeps the pet at the forefront of daily life. This could be a portrait, a screensaver, a necklace, or something that still celebrates the memory of a beloved pet daily.

References

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Helping Kids Cope with Pet Loss

Pet Bereavement and Coping Mechanisms

Ten Tips on Coping With the Loss of Your Pet